When life just feels hard…

Sometimes, life just feels hard for no apparent reason. The past ~~week~~ month has been a bit like that. When I think about it, I can’t immediately put my finger on the problem. No one is sick. We had good holidays. We are supremely blessed.

Do you ever find that life feels hard, for no good reason? On the other hand, when I look a little deeper… We are facing a huge transition in my house. My husband is retiring from the military this year.

Yep. This year.

Up till now, the retirement mile-marker has always been down the road. Later. In the distant future. But, finally, it is now. And we are really excited about moving closer to family and we feel happy that we’ll be able to call the next place that we’re living “home” (before our kids finish growing up).

Still, I find myself a little flummoxed, too. We have a lot of unknowns facing us. Our prayer list is SO long. New job, new house, new church, sell the old house, find the new piano/guitar/ballet/martial arts instructors. Make friends. Find a new routine, a new hairdresser—will my next stylist go to lunch with me afterwards, like Lori does? I doubt it. <sigh> New everything,

The “old” me used to look at moving as a fresh start, which always sounds amazing. But I have learned that leaving isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. First of all, some of the people and places we’re leaving are just lovely…we wish we could take them with us. Second, though almost everything will be changing, we are still the same people. Same shortcomings, same insecurities…

In many ways, the upcoming move, staring me in the face, is acting like a mirror for me. I can see…

Leaving has always been a sore spot for me, one I’ve tried to skip over. Truth? I don’t know how, but I want to learn to leave well. I don’t want to walk away from this place like an action hero, not looking back, bridges burning behind me.
I have romanticized change, placing all my hope in the “different” or “new.” Truth? When we move, often we take our problems with us, because sometimes our problem isn’t with the place in which we find ourselves, rather our problem is with US. You know?

When life just feels hard…

So lately, I am craving simplicity, looking for the “easy” button. I want to live freer and more hope-filled. I want to let go of what isn’t working and invest my time and heart in growing things…So, Drumroll, please…(ok, now this might not be such a major announcement, so don’t get ALL excited).

We are postponing Come Study with Us, indefinitely.

For sure, I would love to write Bible studies that fit well into your life and encourage you, helping you to connect the deep truths in God’s Word to your everyday life. But I can’t commit to doing that now. And honestly, the response for this study has been underwhelming, which tells me that it isn’t meeting a need in readers. And knowing that is a good thing—it helps me plan where and how to spend time and effort.

Given all my family has coming up, I feel drawn to writing about what’s going on here and now, which is a daily battle between hope and fear. I know this is where I’m supposed to stay…finding God’s Best in this mess.

Next week, I’ll post about a new writing direction to match this new season. I am really looking forward to it. And on Monday, instead of starting Come Study with Us, we will begin following this Bible reading plan.