Monkey see, monkey do.

Have you heard the old expression, “Monkey see, monkey do”? It means that one of the most common ways of learning is imitation. When we imitate, we copy, or mimic someone else.

When you learn a new language, you hear someone else speak it, then repeat the sounds. When you learn a new math concept, you learn from an example, then apply the concept to new situations. As a child, someone taught you to read by reading to you. Maybe you learned how to skip by watching your big sister. In practicing what you saw, you learned how to do new things.

Our children will do what we do,
not what we say
(if they two don’t match).

Sarcastic mommy? Monkey see, monkey do…this kind of example produces sassy little girls and boys. Quick-tempered and harsh daddies? Monkey see, monkey do…when you model a lack of self-control, your children will surely copy this way of responding. How can we expect our children to learn good conduct that they do not see in us?

Parents have the best opportunity, and greatest responsibility, for passing on godly behavior.

Parents are in the unique position to teach children to:

• recognize their own sin
• confess their wrong (name it, without offering excuses)
• in humility, ask for forgiveness
• offer restitution, restoration of what was lost if applicable
• readily forgive others, as they have been forgiven

The best way to teach children how to reconcile? By example. As parents, we must:

• recognize our own sin
• confess our wrong (name it, without offering excuses)
• in humility, ask for forgiveness
• offer restitution, restoration of what was lost if applicable
• readily forgive others, as we have been forgiven

We are reconciled to God in order to live as ministers of reconciliation (2 Cor. 5:18). We do this, above all, to honor the Lord. Living in reconciliation with others re-enacts the gospel. Living according to Truth, confesses Truth—this is what Paul meant when he said:

I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect (Romans 12:1-2, ESV).

Plus, giving your kiddos a good example of confessing and repenting means you have every right to expect them to do the same. You teach by example first. Then you instruct and correct. Discipline is teaching. To disciple your own children, is to teach them godly ways.

Well-behaved children are pleasant company and they sure do make us proud.  I cannot count the times I have tried to force good behavior from my children for my benefit, my comfort, my reputation. Selfishness is definitely the wrong motive in disciplining our children! In the same sense, I have overlooked bad behavior out of weariness and brushed arguments under the table out of embarrassment.

We cannot teach right behavior and right thinking if our motive is to avoid a scene in the grocery store line, to have peace and quiet in the car, or to create a more compliant bedtime routine. In fact, the difficult places are the battleground, and often we are waging war against our own flesh (and losing).

Tomorrow let’s chat about winning the war against the flesh and other seemingly impossible hopes that can only be realized through Jesus. 😉 Anyone else out there wanting to love life and see good days? Are you willing to seek peace and pursue it?