Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight (1 Peter 3:3-4).

Personal Strength is the title of this week’s bible study chapter.  The scripture selections highlight the lives of Mary, the mother of Jesus, Job, and some of David’s Psalms.  All of these bible heroes demonstrated grace under pressure.  Grace under pressure has the connotation of being able to maintain our composure during difficulties.  But think of it in biblical terms.  What is Grace?  Unmerited favor, undeserved love…it is what the sacrifice of Jesus, for our sins, is all about.  In a person, grace exhibits itself as patience over frustration, forgiveness over grudges, generosity over grasping.  Giving grace while under pressure is a godly attribute.  It is what Jesus did when He said, “Father forgive them, for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34).  When He was pressed, He poured out His blood for the redemption of us and the forgiveness of our sins (Eph 1:7).

My kids have wonderful imaginations.  They are nine and seven years old.  They love the Transformers (old school cartoons only), and Star Wars, and Batman (again, old school cartoons).  Yes, I do have a girl.  She is her father’s daughter though, so she loves all of those adventure stories; though she does lobby to get a Batgirl episode in there once in a while.  She is just beginning to dip her toe into “girly-ness”, as she calls it.  But she loves to play Transformers and legos with her little brother.  So these wonderful imaginations have extra time to work in tandem because we homeschool.  For those moms of “traditional” schoolers, homeschooling a first and a third grader is like having toddlers at home…it is like pre-pre-school.  In other words, they are with me all of the time – grocery store, doctors visits, dry cleaners, shoe shopping, lunch with friends…  Believe it or not, this is actually one of the beautiful side benefits of homeschooling; most of the time I love it.  I get to see my little sweeties so much more than when they were in traditional school and I enjoy all the facets of their personalities.   It is certainly much more of a gift than I had expected it to be – most of the time.

On Monday, I had to squeeze in a trip to Walmart to pick up something Dear Hubby needed for work.  I couldn’t waste the time doing something like that when I was planning a grocery run on Tuesday.  I don’t have time to go twice in two days.  So, on the fly, with my monthly menu in hand, and a scrap of a list, I set to shopping to get it all done Monday.  One of these days I will extol the virtues of monthly meal planning – I’m addicted.  The Dynamic Duo got right to it too.  They started in with Death of Starscream, replaying the cartoon misadventures of Starscream, the devious and disloyal Decepticon who is second in command behind Megatron – all of you moms with boys, please forgive me.  I know you know, but someone out there might not!  For, what felt like, the longest seventy-five minutes of my life I was assailed by constant chatter, hand motions and an amazing attention to detail while they maintained a complete lack of attention to me.  I was going to try to reproduce it for you, but I simply cannot.  This is a pretty regular gig for them – they do this all the time.  It is Autobot Night at the Improv.  The story meanders continuously while they weave in new characters and ideas into an old story.  It is a tennis match of plots and subplot and asides.  They do sound effects.  They finish each other’s sentences.  It is really quite amazing.  Except that by the end I felt like I had been imprisoned on Cybertron for infinity and beyond.  I couldn’t think straight!  They had wandered in the aisles while I grabbed a wrist here, the bill of a baseball cap there.  It took three tries to get a straight answer to, “Are we out of apple sauce?”.  A mock sword fight in the Produce section was my undoing.  Basically I snapped.  “That’s it!” I hissed.

There was an immediate response.  Apologies, contrition, sheepish looks.  It is just what you want you kids to do.  But it left me no time to rant or rave.  So I did anyway.  I didn’t yell.  I complained, vehemently, but in a quiet sort of way.  In the checkout line, in the parking lot, in the car on the way home.  I was like a helium ballon that has come untied.  I expounded until I ran out of air, as they mournfully listened.  Then it was my turn to apologize.  At first, I tried to explain to them that I was like a teakettle that had so much steam built up and it had to released…that I had just “vented”.  Immediately, I saw that the apology was pathetic and worse than the rant.  I know better.  I am supposed to model myself after the best Parent in the world who is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love (Ps 145:8).   My weak excuses didn’t stand up next to His example.  They had sought my forgiveness and I had withheld it, so I could “vent”.  I am the parent and I should have addressed their behavior long before I “lost” it in the Produce section – I can’t blame them for that.  I thank the Lord that He gave me children to teach me about Himself and to humble me.  So finally, a real apology, real forgiveness, and hugs all around.

This week’s study talked about integrity as part of Personal Strength.  We must be honest about our faults, especially to those we love, to have integrity.  We must be moving away from sinful choices and toward a more godly character to have integrity.  And we must show grace under pressure, even to Decepticons, to have integrity.  Well, two out of three isn’t bad.  If you think my story here is nothing to be proud of, you are probably right.  But if you could see my progress, like the Lord does, you would know that I am light years away from where I started out.  I was a bit of an ugly duckling, spiritually, to begin with.  But my hope is in Him (Ps 62:5) and I know He is still at work, trading His grace for my flaws, [His] beauty for [my] ashes (Is 61:3).  And any improvement, any Personal Strength, any integrity that I have comes from my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, who spoke to Paul, saying: ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.’  [To which Paul responded, as I do] Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me (2 Cor 12:9).

How about you?  Ugly duckling or beautiful swan?  Or a bit of both?

JustAgirl…just like you