My sweet friend Kortnee has an eye that notices the little things and a heart that feels the big things. We are blessed that she writes about them here. Please make her feel welcome by posting a comment below!
When I was 19 years old, my husband proposed to me in a crowded airport lobby. We were young and in love. We still are. We have now celebrated our second wedding anniversary, and while our love and our marriage are still new, we have both learned a lot and grown quite a bit too. Here are just a few things I have learned in my “honeymoon years”:
1. I like myself more than I like my husband. When I was single I did what I wanted, when I wanted, and how I wanted. In marriage, you are with one person ALL THE TIME. They see the good, the bad, and the really bad. Things I never knew about myself before, I see through the eyes of this person who wants me to grow in holiness, alongside him. Paul David Tripp describes sin and selfishness very well:
“Sin makes us shrink our lives to the narrow confines of our little self-defined world. Sin causes us to shrink our focus, motivation, and concern to the size of our own wants, needs, and feelings… What this means is that sin is essentially anti-social. We don’t have time to love our spouse, in the purest sense of what that means, because we are too busy loving ourselves.” – What Did You Expect?: Redeeming the Realities of Marriage, by Paul David Tripp
2. The apartment comes clean, but it doesn’t stay that way. I’ve always wanted the nice, clean, fresh home but I didn’t think I’d have to work so hard at it. I have two sisters-in-law that really put me to shame. Nothing of theirs is ever dirty. I secretly love my other sister-in-law more because she is messy like me! 😉 I have had my own place for 2 years, and this week I am practicing the skill of cleaning the kitchen AND the bathroom all in one day (consecutively and quickly).
3. Marriage starts for all the wrong reasons and continues because you find all the right ones. At least, that’s how it’s going for me. At 20 years old, I married my husband because I liked him and he was a Christian. I can totally admit now that I had no idea what love really was. After examining my heart and faith I see that I had a very limited, but growing, view of Christianity. Today, I can’t begin to count all the reasons I stay married to him. I still like him, and he is still a Christian, but my love is deeper and so is his faith.
4. I married a completely different person. My husband is not the man I married. Thank God. I loved him when I married him, but he has definitely changed. We’ve both grown in faith, maturity, and love every day. If he has come this far in 2 years, I can’t wait to see him in 30 years!
“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.” – Mignon McLaughlin
5. Honesty is more than a good policy. I have noticed that when I am honest and straight forward with Ryan, our friendship grows. Obviously, it’s never a good idea to lie to your husband, but I’m talking about more than that. The other day I came home and he asked me how my day was. Instead of saying “it was a rough day”, I laid it all out. I said, “I was such a brat today! All I talked about or cared about was myself!” His response? “I’m so glad you said that.” Our spouses know when we’re selfish: they see it first hand. I can’t tell you how much better it feels to confess it, rather than to be confronted about it. And because I was so open and honest with him, he feels like he can be more open and honest too.
So how long have you been married? What is one of the biggest things you’ve learned?