Or have you ever had the broken heart that just aches like a bad back? It’s the nagging pain that suddenly catches you when you turn a certain way, and leaves you breathless as it sears you with an unexpected and blinding pain; then it seeps away, but not completely. Afterward it lingers quietly.
Maybe your broken heart experience snuck up on you? This kind of broken heart arrives quietly. It seeps in, breaking a little at a time, chipping away small pieces, bit by bit, while undermining the whole thing slowly, slowly – till you suddenly notice empty places, gaping holes.
I have had such a broken heart – in fact, all of the above. Some have been with me as long as I can remember…they are mean, old friends to me. Some heartbreaks are fresh ones (still a bit tender) and some are relentless, coming back at me again and again.
I was praying in church this week, pondering my pitiful, fragile self and wondered if could say I had brought glory to God in times of trouble. I was examining the cracks, the craze lines, like you see so much in glazed pottery. I was grieving a bit over it all. Then something occurred to me so suddenly, that it felt like the LORD whispered wisdom into me, whispered peace. Soft, supple, pliable, flexible hearts don’t break, they bend. But fragile, brittle, hard hearts can break right into a thousand pieces.
What if we saw our disappointments with situations and people, instead, as appointments with Jehovah God? Would we be less likely to ask, “Why me? Why this?” Because why is not really the issue when things go “wrong”. Truthfully, when things go “wrong” a question is not needed, but an answer is required. He says, “Will you walk with Me?” And the answer is either “yes, LORD” or “no, LORD”. If our heart is hard, if our answer is “no”, then we will miss Him in that moment, at that most opportune time.
For the hearts of these people are hardened,
and their ears cannot hear,
and they have closed their eyes
so their eyes cannot see,
and their ears cannot hear,
and their hearts cannot understand,
and they cannot turn to me
and let me heal them.’ (Matt 13:15, NLT)
When we face difficulties, we face God. And me, often I have struggled with Him, instead of walking with HIm. I am so thankful that He has been gracious to me anyway, and has sought me continually. I am thankful that He has shown me that He was always there, even when I felt alone in it. I am thankful that He is creating in me a teachable heart, finally, and is using it all, all the pain – it is not wasted. But I do wonder how my walk would have been different if I had been able to say, always, during hardship:
And yet, O Lord, you are our Father.
We are the clay, and you are the potter.
We all are formed by your hand. Is 64:8
Paul knew this well:
We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. Roman 5:3-5
If we can remember the hope, and if our hearts are full of God’s love through the Holy Spirit, then we can bend without breaking – bend to His will, bend to accommodate another, bend as we watch all our plans go completely “wrong” and know that, in Him, somehow everything is right.
justAgirl…just like you