Britta Lafont

Britta Lafont

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April 1, 2014 · 7 Comments

I Was Surprised by Motherhood Too!

Integrity

SurprisedByMotherhood_Pin_04_OptSo today’s post is about love.  And being a mother.  And isn’t it really supposed to be the same thing?  Whatever kind of mother we turn out to be…we are meant to learn to love well.

When I was expecting my firstborn, I knew that I was on the verge of falling off a cliff.  I had my dream job.  I was the Clinic Supervisor for the Dental Hygiene Program at LSU School of Dentistry and my husband was graduating from the Dental Program in a few months.  Our life was so ordered around work and school, and dentistry; it was all the same for us.  And we loved it.

We had waited eight years after marrying to have children.  Someone very close to me had three children and three difficult pregnancies.  Bed rest.  Close calls.  The more I saw, the more I felt sure that I couldn’t possibly become a mom until my husband finished school.  And then there was the idea of day care…we were such germaphobes, being dental people.  Umm, did I say “we were”? Let me tell you the truth, if you ever see me in person, you can count on one thing: I will have hand sanitizer within arm’s reach.

surprised by motherhood

At graduation time, Scott was sworn into the Navy as a dentist (yes, he is in the Air Force now…that is another story).  Meanwhile, I munched on crackers, fighting morning sickness.  Graduation ceremonies in New Orleans, in May?  I wore a cap and polyester gown to his graduation too, being faculty.  It was hot.  And all our friends wondered aloud to me, just how long it would be till I started back to work again, in the new place, after we moved to our first duty station, after we had our first baby.  How long?

No one really believed me when I said, “I’ll be staying home.  At least for the first few years.”  Years…even a few of them sounded like forever to me and that was almost twelve years ago.  But somehow I just knew, without a doubt, that this was what was next for me.  And I was a little freaked out, on the inside.  I knew there was a reckoning waiting for me on the other side of motherhood.  Or a wrecking.  Or both.

I read all the books like a good mom-to-be.  And none of them prepared me for my new job.  None of the books prepared me for the humbling of me.  One chapter of one Book was what I needed to study: First Corinthians Chapter 13, the Love Chapter.  This tells what is important.  These were the things I needed to be, and what I wanted so desperately to be able to teach to my little ones.  But if this had been a pass/fail test, I failed daily:

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

  1. Be patient
  2. Be kind
  3. Don’t envy
  4. Don’t boast
  5. Do not be arrogant
  6. Do not be rude
  7. Do not insist on your own way
  8. Do not be irritable
  9. Do not be resentful
  10. Do not rejoice with wrongdoing
  11. Rejoice with the truth
  12. Believe, hope, persevere

Slowly, I began to realize that God’s greatest lessons for me were found in the midst of the messy connections with people in my life.  All of them served as a mirror for me.  When someone stomped on my heart, contentment did not ooze out.  When someone ran over me in a relationship, I did not turn the other cheek.  And if someone said unkind things to me, I never remembered this: The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent (Ex 14:14).

Loving difficult people is where God schools you in loving.  It is where you meet Him.  It is the hard place where the Rock refines your own rough edges.  And children are teeny tiny difficult people.  So I think the thing that surprised me most about motherhood is that, the only way to prepare for it, is to prepare your heart by knowing God.  Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life (Prov 4:23).

Everything else is OJT (on the job training).  Parenting isn’t a skill or a love language or a philosophy; it is a practice.  Paul gives us this promise: What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you (Phil 4:9).  At the end of all the stress and the strife and the spiritual growth <read “painful process” here> lies deeper relationship with the God of peace.

This post was inspired by a brand new book: Surprised by Motherhood (amazon link).  As a special gift to my readers, Lisa-Jo Baker is sharing a free preview of three chapters from this amazing book.  Click here to get that.  And please tell me in the comments, what has surprised you most about motherhood?

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Comments

  1. Cati stokes says

    April 2, 2014 at 9:47 pm

    I think, what I was most surprised by, is the feeling of losing control. Most of my life I have always felt a sense of control, and me (to some degree) directing the course of life’s ship—-
    when it came to the kids, I had to deal with a lot of anxiety because I lost the ability to control things. (if they got hurt, sick, sad, scared etc) I am still in the process of accepting that they are His, and He is in control of their story weaving–not me.
    So yeah, realizing that I don’t call the shots, and I consistently have to be running to God with my fears for them, was definitely something I wasn’t expecting. I kinda thought, they would just, ‘learn to read’ or just ‘ readily accept Christ into their hearts’ ‘¦‘¦..basically I was expecting a walk in the park or something! ( ;D )
    But it is so much more than that.
    A great journey,
    definitely a learning one–more for me than them, I think!

    Reply
    • Britta says

      April 3, 2014 at 7:41 am

      Yes – learning more than them here too (about being humble, not so much with Latin!). 😉

      Reply
    • Tracy says

      April 5, 2014 at 7:32 pm

      Me too!! I felt that as well, Cati. I thought I was quite patient prior to children.

      Reply
  2. LWSpotts says

    April 2, 2014 at 11:49 am

    What surprised me most was feeling completely and utterly incompetent to mother a child, and I didn’t feel that until we brought him home. I cried all the way home from the hospital, and when I finally got four hours of sleep in a row in the wee hours of that first night, all I could think was “well, I didn’t kill him.”

    I was 35 years old when he was born, and had barely been married a year. I worked up until he was born, and had been working in that field for 9 years, so I felt competent…and confident. That evaporated when baby came, and I felt at loose ends, out of control, clueless, and I didn’t know how to figure it all out.

    Perhaps the best advice I ever got was from a friend of mine…who was only a little ahead of me with kiddos (two littles, one of whom was an infant). She said “STOP READING! You’re driving yourself crazy. You don’t have to know everything at once. All you need to know is how to do things for now. You will learn as you go, and you need to let yourself do that.” And she was right. I was reading everything I could get my hands on about how to parent. Everything conflicted with everything else. Many things didn’t ring true to me, and other things seemed like a good idea until I tried them. So I quit reading, and tried to let my instincts kick in. My friend reminded me that I knew my baby, and I was being conscientious, and it would get easier. And it has. And I’m thankful.

    Reply
    • Britta says

      April 2, 2014 at 3:10 pm

      Well said! I remember my old country doctor OB/GYN from when I was pregnant with Grace. He was a mountain of a man. Every visit I came in with tons of questions about the worst case scenarios, till he finally drawled in his deep voice, “Hon, you’ve got to stop watching ‘A Baby’s Story’.” LOL!

      Reply
  3. Carrisa says

    April 1, 2014 at 8:32 pm

    Britta, this was SO good! I love hearing your reflections on beginning motherhood, and all your thoughts about it . . . especially the phrase “The only way to prepare for motherhood is to prepare your heart by knowing God. The rest is just on the job training.” That is incredibly true. Thank you for sharing!

    Reply
    • Britta says

      April 1, 2014 at 8:54 pm

      Thank you!! We need to get together and chat about these things. It would be great to hear more about how things are going for you with your littles. It has been too long! 🙂

      Reply

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In my typical social media introvert fashion, I re In my typical social media introvert fashion, I realize I didn’t share Gracie’s post on my feed at the time. 🤦🏻‍♀️
We are so thankful for this young man. ❤️ We are so thankful for this young man. ❤️
When the first day of school is also the day your When the first day of school is also the day your firstborn drives herself to college, it’s a lot. We moved her stuff into her dorm last week. Today she got up early to say goodbye to Dad (too early! Not pictured 😂), her brother, her doggo, her piano, and her momma. Before she left, she made blueberry scones to share with her little bro @sjoshlafont —they homeschool and relocated together, went to @westminsteroakmtn together, and have shared a love of music, Legos, superheroes (and villains), Transformers, and so much more. She played my favorite song. She even made banana bread to bring to her new roomie. @graciethenerd You are my little nut brown hare, and I love you to the moon and back. Auburn University is a better place because you are there! ❤️
Josh just started working in the bakery at Publix. Josh just started working in the bakery at Publix. Today he got his braces off. I just can’t believe it—where did the time go? @sjoshlafont
I’m a social media introvert mostly, but I’m r I’m a social media introvert mostly, but I’m reflecting today and feeling grateful for my sweet girl, my baby, my first-born. 🥰 She sure is a blessing to our family and her friends. Also, so grateful for the wonderful school where she spent the last four years—the perfect place to land after years of homeschooling on the move. “For the LORD is good; his steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generations.” (Ps 100:5) #curatingthegood #graduated🎓 #wisebeyondheryears @graciethenerd @lafonte04 @westminsteroakmtn
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